The GodMother of TV

As the Godmother sits down this morning to cue up her DVR to "The Bachelor on the Wings Of Love" (cup of steaming coffee in hand, need to recover from the pitcher of margaritas while watching Modern Family last night!!).  Before I even press PLAY, I must say that my expectations are already set a little low due to the mere title of the show. "On the Wings Of Love". Seriously, ABC? You are basing this show title off of a LAME 80's love ballad?  OK.... the show opens up and and it is basically just a montage of shirtless shots of Jake, the commercial airline pilot Bachelor. They are really painting him as a true intellectual (although, I must say, he is pretty cute so far). 2 hours - really ABC - do we need to devote that long to the Bachelor (this is tedious to me!) - which is why I record it and watch it later so I can fast forward through commercials. No they didn't - they are playing "On the Wings of Love" (the aforementioned 80's ballad) in the background!!
Dear Readers (if there are any of you out there!) I plan on giving my thorough opinion on this episode since its the 2 hour season opener, my later blogs about this seasons show won't be so lengthy (I promise!!)

OK, the next segment of the show rolls up and its time to "Meet the Bachelorettes!" Needless to say, I am expecting nothing but the best and brightest (ABC really knows how to pick 'em).....there will be the usual suspects - Dancers, Cheerleaders, Models, drunks, the bitchy girl who won't get along with anyone in the house (but the Bachelor will immediately fall in love with her), the rich girl, the one who has a child, the one who is divorced, the one who is giving up everything to be here, otherwise - girls galore with plenty of baggage and daddy issues, low self -esteem and perfect figures to boot! Without all of this, the show would just not be very interesting.

I will start by reviewing only the most interesting and/or pathetic ones. The first one, Ali, says that she has had boyfriends that were so into video games that they would put her on the back burner (I can identify with this sadly, my husband loves PS3 -ack, I rarely identify with these bachelorettes!) and that she and her now ex-boyfriend used to live together in a roommate situation and the ex-bf used to sneak into her roommate's room  and cheat on Ali. This one comes with baggage!

The third one, Tenley (a Dancer of course) was married before (a virgin when she married) and her husband cheated on her - can we say, BAGGAGE?!

The fourth bachelorette, Elizabeth,  is in the Air National Guard in D.C. and she is also a pilot (Can ABC cast 'em or what?). She loves to date pilots and has no fashion sense (her words, not mine). She looks like a really nice, normal, all around good girl from what I can tell so far - which means that she won't get a rose!

The sixth bachelorette, Christina, who says she's a guy's girl - most of her friends are guys, she doesn't get along well with women and admits that she is bitchy..BINGO... ABC has cast the bitchy girl who won't get along with anyone in the house and will cause drama (call me Nostradamus, but this is just my prediction).

The seventh bachelorette, Vienna is a keeper! Even though Jake may not like her, ABC will ask him to keep her for entertainment value. She is the spoiled princess, Paris Hilton type with dog in tow (her and her dog have Mother-Daughter days!). Her dad has bought her five cars, she is daddy's little girl!

Ok, I've lost count of the bachelorettes at this point (because I am not reviewing all of them - remember only the interesting or pathetic ones) and please note - the Bachelorettes that ABC only gives a 30 second intro to - they will most likely be cut pretty soon in the game, so no point in even reviewing them!

They show the bachelorettes in the limo on the way for the meet-n-greet with Jake (at the mansion) and they toast to Jillian (the previous Bachelorette who dumped him) - which is why he has his own show now. And just a side thought - let's hope we don't have another Brad Womack on our hands!

All of the gimmick's that the bachelorettes use at the initial outisde meet-n-greet (i.e. doing something or giving the bachelor something that the bachelor will remember so they stand out) are not even entertaining anymore. The lengths these girls go to - its really sad!

Now it's time to go inside and meet the Bachelor!

Ali, the first bachelorette I mentioned above- gets the first "one on one" with Jake. She is wearing a really ugly canray yellow dress, which is clearly too long because walking down the stone path with Jake, she trips and rips her dress at the bottom. Now Jake will remember her forever. After she leaves his presence - she tells the other ladies about this mishap and she says "I will keep this dress forever!" - wow....are we 12 years old at the New Kids on The Block concert and Joey McIntyre just touched your hand ("I will never wash this hand again!")

Now, self proclaimed  "bitchy girl", Christina is commenting on all of the ta-tas that are on display in the mansion tonight - Jealous much Christina? She has such an attitude!

There is what seems to be a pathetic bachelorette named Ella - she is a Hairstylist from TN with a very thick southern accent and has a 7 year old son,  and which she tells Jake that her son  actually wants to be a pilot when he growns up (what a lame ploy to get him to like you, Ella! Come on, do you really think he buys this? Your son is seven. When I was 7, I wanted to be numerous things - a teacher, doctor, mail carrier, nurse, retail clerk, singer, zoo keeper.. this lame list goes on). She tells Jake that said child has sent him a present and then hands him this little toy airplane that her son has had since he was 2 years old - Jake seems unimpressed - you are gone Ella (eventually).

I think the Loser award of the night goes to the next one up - Ashely, a teacher from PA - she goes upstairs and changes into a PILOT uniform (think slutty Flight Attendent halloween costume). She comes down the stairs and says "His Co-Pilot is here". Jake seems unimpressed initially, but she goes on to tell him how smart she is and that she is almost done with her PHD! The rest of the bachelorettes are jealous and talking about her behind her back.

Jake then decides to play football outside with all of the girls (they are all dressed in evening gowns) - it is very odd and I just can't imagine the lengths these girls go to - to impress him. This makes the GodMother realize just how lucky she is to be married to the love of her life!

Chris Harris (the host) comes out with the little silver tray and this can only mean one thing...the first impression rose. And now the competition between the ladies is on! Cue psycho chick, her name is Michelle from CA, she says it will kill her if she doesn't get this first impression rose and she goes on to say she knows that Jake is the one, blah, blah, blah. She talked to him for literally 30 seconds outside when she got out of the limo. She has serious issues.

Rozlyn - the model from Richmond, VA tells the cameras she wants to fall in love, but she isn't desperate (a.k.a. - "I am doing this show merely for my career!")

Someone in the room says "I am jealous of the girl who got to touch his abs" and Michelle (psycho girl) has a jealous look on her face (ABC's editing at it's finest!). ABC is painting this girl as a true pshyco and I sort of feel bad for her for a nano second. Michelle is now crying in another room because Jake is not paying attention to her. Now psycho girl goes up to steal Jake away for "one on one" time. She is crying as she walks up to him and asks him to talk to her. She tells him that she is there to fall in love with them and to be his co-pilot in the end. She wants to get married and have children. Jake says to the cameras that Michelle seems to be an emotions person ("Ya think?").

Jillian (Last Season's Bachelorette who dumped Jake) and her new fiance come into the mansion to help Jake decide who to keep. Can we say.... AWKWARD! ABC always does this shit, is this really necessary?

While Jillian and her beau are grilling the bachelorettes, bitchy girl Christina is "playing airplane" with Jake in the other room. She really is a guy's girl! 

Tenley (divorced model mentioned in the beginning) gets one on one time with Jake and asks him if she can kiss him. She kisses him, then starts crying saying she hasn't kissed anyone since her last husband - SERIOUSLY? She seems so naive.

OK, Jake walks in, picks up the first impression rose and the rose goes to...... TENLEY - the divorced model who kissed him! Someone is in LOVE (and I don't think it's Jake). Michelle is slowly falling apart, if Jake doesn't give her a rose, I am afraid she might kill herself - I hope ABC has counseling available for the rejected divas!

Now it's the Rose Cermony!! And the Rose's go to ..... Tenley (first impression rose), Ella (hairstylist who gave him a toy plane), Elizabeth (she is a nanny), Ali (first bachelorette I reviewed), Vienna (Paris Hilton type spoiled daddy's girl), Christina (the bitchy girl), Gia (swimsuit model from NYC), Ashley E, Roslyn (model from Richmond, VA), Jesse, Corrie, Valishia, Ashleigh H., Catherine (Commercial Airline Pilot who wears an engagement ring, although she is not engaged - maybe its to scare off dudes!?), Michelle (emotional, pshyco stalker, no counselor needed at this time!!).

From the looks of next weeks previews (and further season clips) it looks like this is going to get steamy!! Now, lets see what happens this season!!